Working Mom Guilt & Finances
Being a working mom is one of those crazy love hate relationships. A part of you is happy to be bringing money into your household. The sense of independence gained from it feels great. You get a sense of fulfillment through your hard work outside of the house. However, on the other side of the flipped coin, you have that inevitable feeling, MOM GUILT! You feel like you’re missing everything! All of your baby's firsts or a huge chunk of them, from baby crawls to baby steps, you miss out on comforting your little one when they’re sick, you miss dropping them off or picking them up daily from school, you miss assembly shows and field trips. This mom guilt can lead to trying to overcompensate for not being around more. You end up buying them toys or going out to eat constantly, but what does this truly leave you and them with? What message are you transmitting to your kids?
This was my situation for over five years. I started working full time when my second son was 6 months old. I was happy that I would be helping to provide a better life for my family. However, I felt an immense sense of guilt. I would be gone from around 7 in the morning till around 6 in the afternoon. I felt like I was missing so much, when my kids started going to school I always made sure to ask for the first day of school off but I couldn’t go to every field trip or assembly, I had to make sure my boss didn’t get upset either for asking for too much time off. It broke my heart to miss so much.
By the time I got home, it was only enough time to make dinner, give them a bath, play for maybe an hour and then put them to bed. When the weekend arrived I knew what would make them happy, going to buy a happy meal and get a new toy. So we did, for almost every weekend. It was great to see their smiles, however we were not transmitting the right message to them. We were providing them with temporary happiness, which can be great in the moment but it's a fleeting feeling. We were not demonstrating smart money habits on our end, nor were we teaching about delayed gratification.
Not being able to say NO to our kids, kept us in a vicious cycle of debt. We didn’t want them to be deprived of anything like when we were kids. When I started to educate myself on money and think bigger than just tracking expenses, I realized we were doing our kids a disfavor. Yes, they had a room full of toys but their parents had a mountain of debt, no savings, no investments, and no term life insurance. If anything had happened to us, we left them unprotected and with unhealthy spending habits, but ah yes, a room full of toys.
Hmmmmm,I realized I didn’t want to do this to them anymore. They deserved parents that made smart money choices and passed those habits onto them. They deserved to be part of a family with a zero debt tolerance and parents who passed good money habits onto them. Filling a space with objects is not worth it, we end up throwing things away or donating most of the things we spend on. So remember, don’t let the MOM GUILT trick you into thinking your kids need all of these unnecessary things. Instead focus on saving money for creating a great experience and countless memories; a glamping trip, visiting a museum, or a water balloon fight in the backyard. Focus on just being with THEM and educating yourself on money in order to teach them better money habits.
